When the money is flowing, life is great! A full bank account slaps a pair of rose colored glasses over our eyes when it comes to how we see our partner in our financial lives. #makeitrain
But let the funds dry up and out comes the microscope and you’re both picking at EVERY flaw you can find! You’re wondering who in the heck you married, its like your hubby turns into Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde.
The rose-colored glasses are officially off and on go the boxing gloves, you’re constantly ready for round 1 at the drop of a hat.
You find yourself blaming him for this or that, and he’s mad at you and blaming the money situation on your $300 Target runs. It seems like you’re on two totally different pages and it goes round and round.
Over time, feelings of resentment, anger, disappointment, mistrust, fear, and downright loneliness spring up where there used to be relative peace and calm. Things just continue to spiral out of control and before you know it EVERY.LITTLE.THING becomes a knockdown drag out fight.
Money is one of the top reasons that couples get divorced. Money management is already difficult when you combine two people who have vastly different ways of handling the money or different values and goals.
Trust me, tight finances will amplify all the problems 10X.
But your marriage doesn’t have to end up on the chopping block when your financial seas are rough! Follow these tips and tricks to keep marriage thriving when your money is looking sketch.
- Stop The Blame Game –It feels pretty crappy when your bae blames you for all of the money woes. Likewise, it does nothing but push THEM away when YOU constantly blame them for all things wrong in the world. So STOP IT!
Realize that your situation didn’t get this way because of ONE person; it took the actions or non-actions on both of your parts. Blaming one another does nothing but drive the wedge deeper and deeper between the two of you.
For the sake of your finances and your marriage, take the gloves off…it’s not serving you.
Instead, make the commitment to join forces and hash this thing out together! Your marriage will be stronger for it. There’s something about surviving hardship and trials TOGETHER that draws people closer to one another, use this to the advantage of your relationship.
- Plan Together– Once you realize that you’re on the same team, then you can take steps to actively improve your finances…starting with a spending plan. Have you ever heard the saying, “Those that fail to plan, plan to fail”? It couldn’t be truer than when it comes to your money.
Your dollars are like little workers waiting to do your bidding. If you guide them, then you get hard workers that go out and recruit their homies, eventually making you rich.
But if you ignore them, they become lazy workers that like to take long breaks and socialize all day (we all know those co-workers). Well… then you end up with terrible finances.
If you don’t tell your money what to do, you’ll always be stuck wondering “what happened”? Manage your money…don’t let it manage you.
The most important part of this step is that you do it together. Sit down and create a spending plan together. When you decide on a common goal and commit to a shared vision you’re much more likely to stick to the plan and feel good about it. Cause let’s be honest, we all hate being told what to do…so do it together!
- Play to Your Strengths– If balancing the checkbook and working with the numbers are your jam, then YOU take on the responsibility of executing the spending plan you create together. If maintaining the financial records is more your thing…by all means go for it. And if hubs is more adept at dealing with lenders and such, then give him free reign.
When you leverage the talent between the two of you, you can accomplish so much more, in shorter time, with a lot less tension!
- Do New Activities Together– This one may surprise you, but it’s just as important as everything else on this list. It may also seem rough or frivolous when you’re going through financial hardship, but trust me, it can be the difference between marital life or death! Ok, I’m being a bit EXTRA lol, but you get my drift.
One of the most important things you NEED to do at this time is to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse. No betta’ way to do this than to always be trying new things.
Take a cooking lesson (nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen), or try that new Tango class, or jump in the car and just go explore the town next door. The possibilities are only limited to your imagination.
When we experience new things together it keeps the fires stoked in more ways than one *wink wink*. Yaasss huntee!
Allow the excitement of new adventures to bring you closer and watch it spill over into other areas of your life. It makes a tough situation bearable and reinforces the fact that you’re on the same team and in this together!!!
- Get Professional Help– Lastly, be wise enough to know when you need outside help. I ain’t saying you gotta run to your nearest shrink, but sometimes you need to have a support team you can lean on.
This can look any way you like, if you feel like having an impartial mediator, such as a marriage counselor, then go for it. If you have a trusted advisor such as a pastor or another couple who have been through the fire and lived to tell the tale, it counts too! Do what works for you.
The important thing here is realizing when the hurts and issues run so deep that you can’t see how you’ll recover, its time to get some professional help.
The truth is, that if you’re willing to put in the work, your marriage doesn’t have to become a casualty of your financial shortcomings! The vital thing to remember is that no matter HOW you got here, it is going to take the combined effort of both of you to get your money train back on the right track.
You are on the same team, so put faults to the side and conquer this thing together. I’m rooting for you. You got this!